I am a permanent resident of what the author, Franz Johansson calls The Intersection in his seminal work, The Medici Effect.
I live at the intersection of female, Iranian, American, Jew, Mother and Coach.
My platform is not a political one. But one cannot be a Professional Coach and not be a stand for a clear set of values.
I share the values that today is driving a revolution halfway around the world and also in my backyard.
Zan Zendegi Azadi
What are you a stand for?
For most of my life, I believed time was our most valuable resource. It made sense to me because no amount of money buys more of it, and none of us knows how much we have left. And that’s why every hour is so precious. But after a decade of coaching people across every age and circumstance, I’ve changed my mind.
I’ll admit something that used to embarrass me and now sets me free. I have never had an original idea in my life, including this one. Most of us were raised to believe that if we didn’t invent something from scratch, our offering had no worth, or worse, that we were stealing!
Are you watching Dancing With the Stars? I am, for the first time in my life, and for one specific reason. That reason is fast becoming known around the world by his first name alone, the way we say Madonna or Elvis. Ezra. Ezra Frech is a 21-year-old above-the-knee amputee. He was born with most of his left leg missing—no knee, no fibula—and with one finger on his left hand.
Think about the last time you called someone “ambitious”. Was it entirely a compliment? Or did a small shadow come with it, the sense that you were naming something a little grasping, a little too much? Most of us have learned to hear ambition as a warning. We picture the people who claw and accumulate and never seem satisfied, and we file ambition next to greed, as if they were the same appetite.
One of the most common requests I hear, especially from business leaders and parents, is some version of “How do I motivate my employee, my team, my kid?” I tell them I have good news and bad news. Most people want the bad news first. So here it is: based on my years as a business owner, a parent, and a coach, there is no such thing as motivating another person.
I worshipped Intensity for more decades than I care to admit. "Go big or go home" was my motto, and I lived it everywhere. Instead of eating well most days, I would overeat for a stretch and then starve myself for a day to even the books. Instead of running a few miles regularly, I would run sporadically and then try to make up the lost mileage in one punishing weekend.
If I were allowed to keep only one tool in my coaching toolbox, with every other system and framework taken away, I know which one I'd keep. It's the one I call GIGO. Garbage in, garbage out. It's a crude name for an idea that turns out to be ancient. There's a line in Proverbs I've been sitting with, chapter 4, verse 23. It's usually translated, "Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life."
I hear these words often from my clients, regardless of age or background. They express a universal wish for the three C’s—Clarity, Courage, and Confidence—that so many people hope to gain from professional coaching. But let me share a dirty little secret of the work. The problems we think we're facing because we lack clarity, courage, or confidence are rarely the actual problem.
I'm working with a client who was a colleague of mine when I was a fashion executive. Working together is putting it generously, because I ran a flagship and she ran an entire corporate department. She's younger than I am, but I looked up to her the way a child looks at an adult, as though they're invincible.
The agreements we make with each other shape the relationships we get. One of the most valuable relationships in my life is with the women in my private coaching group, The Wisdom Circle. By design, no one here is new to coaching, and the group's greatest value lies in the collective wisdom the women share with one another.