Willpower Won't Save You. Here's What Will.

Want to listen to this article instead? Tune in here.

How long have you believed that if you just had more willpower, you could finally make that habit change you’ve tried and failed at so many times?

If you ask people why they want to work with a Professional Coach, one of the top three reasons they will give is to get help cultivating or stopping a habit.

What they are hoping to get from coaching is a secret code that will supersize their low to non-existent willpower. Instead, what they learn (over time, not overnight) is the correct use of willpower and the cultivation of what makes genuine and sustainable habit change, which is a thing very different from willpower. It’s Identity Engineering.

But first, a word about willpower.

Willpower is a finite resource. We have plenty of data proving that we each have a limited amount of willpower, and once it’s used up, we simply can’t generate more through force. We need to wait for another day and a replenished source.  Most of us have a full reservoir of it upon waking, and it’s usually depleted within hours. This explains why we often start our day on the right path but lose focus and commitment as we continue. This is also why productivity coaches urge their clients to do the most demanding job of the day, first thing in the morning.

Still, willpower is a valuable resource because it can give us the initial surge of energy and motivation to stop or create a new habit. Willpower is the part of a rocket ship that propels it into space—that initial powerful surge it needs for push-off. However, the rocket needs a different system and form of energy to complete its journey successfully.

For us, that long-term and effective system involves engineering an identity consistent with our desired actions. We do this by focusing and adopting the identity of the person with our desired habit instead of solely focusing on the behavior itself.

An important Stanford experiment shows that turnout was lower for people who were asked to vote (Behavior) than those who identified as voters (Identity).

Voting is a behavior but Voter is an identity.

If you want to reach your healthy weight, be a Health Nut rather than someone on a diet.

If you want more fun experiences, be an Adventurer rather than someone who travels.

If you dream of writing a book, be a Writer rather than someone who writes.

If you wish for an uncluttered environment, be an Owner rather than a cleaning person.

If you want your child to grow into a caring person, tell them to be a Helper rather than ask for their help. 

But how do we identify as Athletes rather than just people who go to the gym?

We begin by fully committing to adopting the identity of an athlete. Even if you initially feel like an imposter, refer to yourself as an athlete. Immerse yourself in knowledge about the athletic lifestyle of someone you admire, and surround yourself with other athletes.

When faced with doubt or uncertainty, ask yourself, 'What would an athlete do?' An athlete doesn't even refer to what they do as exercise. They understand the importance of moving their body often and prioritize it accordingly. They eat to fuel their activities, not to monitor their calorie intake. They dress in a way that supports their athletic lifestyle. They take recovery as seriously as their training.

An athlete doesn’t have to be held accountable or motivated to do what she is required to make exercise a consistent habit.

However, this approach only works if the identity we are trying to create is directly related to one or more of our core values.

Suppose freedom, courage, and faith are my top three core values in life. In that case, it is natural for me to want to build and invest in my identity as an athlete (which provides freedom to move), a parent (a role that requires me to show courage consistently), and a Professional Coach (as I have deep faith in my clients).

I have more than one client whose top life value is integrity. Over time, they have reclaimed and sometimes recreated their identity as Truth-tellers and, in the process, have let go of the negative habits of people-pleasing and identity division.

If you have not identified your top three most important life values, you will want to start by doing so, either on your own or with a Professional Coach. I have an assessment, and I’ll gladly share it with you if you contact me.

From there, you can begin taking on the social role of a person who models those specific values. In time, you will use willpower only to get going; knowing who you are becoming is the ultimate and long-lasting fuel for any habit you want to begin or change.