The "Always A Good Idea!" List

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People like us, growth-minded optimizers that is, LOVE lists!

Data supports our intuition that lists work. People who create lists become more conscientious over time and procrastinate less, which brings to mind Annie Dillard’s wise words, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

Can you imagine the transformation a lifetime of less procrastination will create? What will you achieve if, as Nike says, you “just do it?”

Data also shows that personality is not destiny when it comes to procrastination. This is a habit that can be ended, not a personality trait that must be endured.

Recently, I shared the list of “S–t I don’t have time for.”

It’s even more critical than my to-do list. Each item on this list is the product of some kind of hard-learned lesson—most likely learned by making the same mistake repeatedly and, finally, one day, deciding that enough is enough.

My clients know that identifying the actions, people, places, and mindsets that drain us is as essential as knowing what energizes us.

It doesn’t matter how many things we check off our to-do list if we simultaneously take unhelpful and off-purpose actions. This pattern is the root of that feeling so many of us experience when we put our heads on the pillow at night. The feeling that we did so much, but instead of feeling satisfied and productive, we feel utterly drained.

To help you get past this nagging feeling, I’m sharing here two separate but related tools that my clients and I have found helpful:

1. The Energy Audit

This is one of the most powerful tools I learned from Rich Litvin.

Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side, list all activities, people, places, thoughts, and circumstances that energize you. On the right side, list all the activities, people, places, thoughts, and circumstances that drain you.

Take your time with this assignment, and be honest. This is for your eyes only, so don’t feel bad about placing conversations with your child as a drain if that’s indeed true for you.

Once your list is truly complete, either on your own or while working with a Coach, begin to remove your “drains” one conscious step at a time. This takes patience, skill, and time. If it were easy, you wouldn’t have tolerated these drains for as long as you have. For the drains that cannot be removed, like the example of “conversations with your child,” you will need to do what it takes to, at best, transform the relationship or at least minimize its energetic drain on yourself.

2. Create and Follow an “Always a Good Idea” List

This is the list of things we may not want or feel like doing at any given moment, but we always feel good about them once we’ve done them.

Although I will share my list of things that are ALWAYS a good idea, it’s not a one-size-fits-all list. My intention here is to inspire you to create your own list of things that are always a good idea for you—even when you don’t want to do them, which may be most of the time.

So, in no particular order, I invite you to consider that it’s ALWAYS a good idea to:

1. Call your parents—if you are fortunate to have them in your life.
2. End every (appropriate) call with, “Love you.”
3. Engage with dogs! Getting one, walking one, loving one, and any moment spent with a good dog is ALWAYS a good idea.
4. Leave white space on your calendar. Space is where miracles happen.
5. Go for a walk. A five-minute walk is better than none, and as Wallace Stevens reminds us, “Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.”
6. Smile. Science proves it’s one of the most effective hacks for accessing a more positive state.
7. Pray.
8. Give and get a hug—enough with the bro hug and the Covid-induced awkwardness we adopted under duress. There’s nothing like a genuine hug to let someone know you appreciate them.
9. Invest in yourself—different than spending on yourself, which is only SOMETIMES a good idea.
10. Be more generous than you’re comfortable, not just with your money but especially your attention.
11. Go to bed early—but not on a full stomach!
12. Express gratitude—so often recommended that it has become a cliche. But cliches endure because they usually carry a profound truth within. And if you’re still on the fence about this one, science is here to help.
13. Ask for what you want without being attached to receiving it. The asking always makes us more courageous and authentic—not the attachment to the outcome.
14. When negotiating, always leave something on the table. It really is a small world, and you will likely cross paths again, so don’t leave the other person feeling defeated. It’s not smart, and it’s not nice.
15. Only argue for the sake of uncovering the truth, not for the sake of victory. See number 14!
16. Ask, “What else?” even (and especially) when you can’t wait for the other person to stop talking so you can tell them what you think!  
17. Refrain from responding in a cutting way in the heat of the moment. Take this from someone who knows how to use words every which way: it’s not worth feeling clever at the moment only to feel guilt later.
18. Learn how breathing can help manage emotions—especially the challenging ones like frustration and anger.
19. Assume ignorance before malevolence.
20. Pass on sugar.

I learned from James Clear that a cue initiates every habit and that we are likelier to notice cues that stand out. So, go ahead and make your own list of actions that are ALWAYS a good idea, but most importantly, ensure your list is visible to you, perhaps in multiple locations.

Action follows attention.