It's a Process - Not a Superpower

What comes up for you when you read the following?:

“After the birth of their child, Ruth Bader Ginsburg's husband was diagnosed with cancer. During this period, Ruth attended class, took notes for them both, typed her husband's dictated papers and cared for their child & her sick husband, all while making the Harvard Law Review.”

For so many of us, the first emotion is jealousy and envy, and without even being aware of it, we shift to either wanting to “do more” or surrendering to the feeling of not being “good enough”.  I know this because I’ve been there for a good portion of my life, and I help my clients face and get past this unhelpful cycle.

From where I stand, I see an epidemic of women of all ages, feeling like they can never do enough.  It’s no secret that in most households, working women (even when bringing in more than 50% of the household income) are still responsible for most household chores and child rearing.  Women are also, more often, caretakers of aging parents and family members.

Is it any wonder that so many women feel overwhelmed, and are always left feeling underproductive and somehow lost in their own lives?  This is not always a problem of others (men) not doing enough.  It’s a problem of mindset and managing our own thoughts.  If you are willing to consider that there are high achieving, deeply productive, and generally fulfilled women amongst us whose lives include all the things - work, marriage, health, children, etc., then perhaps we can become curious to find out what it is that they are doing differently. 

The first step in this inquiry is bringing awareness to that moment when a particular trigger has us shifting into competition and thinking we’re “not good enough”.  I realize this is not the magic pill most of us are seeking, but without that initial awareness, and making the deliberate decision to not jump on the “train of thought” to the place we don’t want to go, no amount of information and inspirational quotes from Instagram will help.

Working with a professional coach helped me bridge the gap between the problem of feeling not good enough and always hustling, and the promise of a more relaxed and joyful way of moving through my days, and of course, my life.  The process is not a pithy 8 step plan.  That kind of thing doesn’t work in the long term, and in my experience, just sets up for us to feel even worse about ourselves.

But the good news is that there is a process, and we know this because if we choose to, we can find evidence of many, many women (and men) who are living full and integrated lives, while feeling grounded and joyful - most of the time!

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is not an outlier.  She’s human, like the rest of us.  What she figured out at a young age is the process of creating her life from an “owner” mindset.  Let her story inspire us to find out what that process can look like for each of us.

P.S. I’m committed to sharing my Life Coaching skills and tools out into the world, in the hope that it can help others. If this blog resonates with you, please consider forwarding it to anyone who may benefit from it. If this was forwarded to you, subscribe here.

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